Micah 7:8

Though I sit in darkness, The Lord will be my light.

     I read that verse a few weeks ago and  it resonated so deeply with my spirit. That's something that we all know- God is the light- but we easily forget just how powerful that truth really is. There is darkness all over the world in all different forms, but in this season, I am literally sitting in darkness- the type of darkness that doesn't bother with subtleties. As I sit in the dim lit strip bars, I cling to this verse. I cling to my Father, The Lord, who is my light and the light of the whole world. And I find strength in knowing that this light will never go out.

     Ministry to men and women in the sex industry was never really something I specifically imagined myself doing. I've always leaned more on the, "in the dirt with the poor" side. But when you allow God to transform you, your heart becomes one with His, so you don't only have "a heart for Africa" or a "heart for the homeless" or a "heart for trafficked women". You just have a heart for people. All people. Because God has a heart for all people. [ps- don't take that the wrong way if you often say you have a heart for "x" ministry. I know that God calls us each to specific people groups, sometimes multiple different ones, and I know that's not wrong. It's awesome that He puts specific passions in our hearts for particular places/people/things! I'm just saying we aren't limited to those specifics. We should never get so focused on our specific calling that we forget to love the people right in front of us that don't fit into that category.] One quote I love by Mother Theresa really sums up what our hearts and "ministries" should look like: "As to my calling, I belong to the whole world. As to my heart, I belong entirely to Jesus." That's something I truly believe- so I'm pretty much a blank canvas, open to go wherever God sends me. 

     So here I am in Thailand getting I love on people on all spectrums of the sex industry- at risk young girls, boys and girls currently working, and boys and girls who have come out of it. And it truly has been a cup of joy and suffering! It's a joy getting to share Jesus' love with people. It's a joy getting to bring rest to women and be there to love them with a pure love and talk and connect with them as a person- as a child of God- and not because I want something from them. It's a joy to be the hands and feet of Jesus in any way possible. It's a joy to carry Jesus with me through this world, "as I sit in darkness." But it's also suffering. It's painful to have eyes that are open to all the things around you. It hurts to see what God sees and feel what God feels when you are surrounded by things that shouldn't exist. 

     But God never asks us to carry that burden in our own strength. He says, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." So when I come home from outreach, or just from a day of being surrounded by darkness, God always reminds me to lay it all down. I can't hold on to these things- I just give it all to Him. Good or bad, there's nothing I hold on to- I cling only to Jesus.

     So going to the bars and brothels can be difficult, but it's so worth it. I wouldn't ever trade it for being ignorant of the things that happen here. I've gotten to meet such beautiful people. And it breaks my heart that anyone could look at them and just see a demeaning label or only see them for what they do. Because each girl and boy in the bars and brothels is a person. They are a child of God. And He loves them so deeply and longs for them to come home to Him. So getting to go there and be Jesus to them- be a safe place the way Jesus is a safe place for me, be love the way Jesus is love to me, be a pure and warm embrace the way Jesus purely and warmly embraces me- it is such a great privelage and I'm so humbled that I get to do this. I'm honored and overjoyed to get to share God's love! 

     If God calls you to a place or a people that you least expect- go for it! If there is one thing I've learned through this crazy journey, it's that God knows what He's doing even when I don't. Let Him guide your steps. Where He leads you may be surprising, but it will be better than anywhere you would end up on your own.

Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus

    This past month has been so full of lessons learned, steps taken, and things revealed. When I first knew that I would be staying in Thailand for four months rather than three weeks, I knew my time here would be about so much more than just what I do. I knew God had much more in store for this time than just going on outreaches. This has been such a beautiful time of getting to know him better, letting Him change my heart, walking with Him through things I could never get through on my own, and allowing Him to stretch and grow my faith and trust in Him, His guidance, His provision, and His goodness. "Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him, how I've proved Him over and over. Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus! Oh, for grace to trust Him more."  That's a recurring theme song for me!

     There have been so many specific occurrances that God has taught me through, so many faces that I've seen Him in, a couple bouts of illness that He held me in, and He's taken care of me with His beautiful right on time provision when I didn't even know how needed it was at the time. And that just goes to show, I can be totally oblivious to my needs, but God sees them and He takes care of me. Like the way, "the birds do not plant or harvest or store food in barns, for our Heavenly Father feeds them. And aren't we far more valuable to Him than they are?"

      One thing that stands out from this past month is when I went to Wat Phro, a Buddhist temple, on Makha Bucha-  a major Buddhist holiday which just so happens to be on February 14th, Valentine's Day. I decided a major Buddhist holiday was a good day to go to a temple and worship Jesus and pray for Thailand. I think shifting atmospheres and bringing God's presence into dark places is super important and more powerful than what we can merely see. As I walked around, my heart broke for the Buddhists, and really for people who worship any idols. How sad to give offerings and bow down in reverence to things that, "have mouths but cannot speak, eyes but cannot see. They have ears, but cannot hear." But as my heart broke for them, I also was overcome with gratitude that I know my God and He has a mouth, and He does speak to me. He has eyes and He does see me. He has ears and He does hear me- every prayer, every utterance, and even every thought. My time at Wat Phro was such an unforced blend of intercession and worship.

       One thing I saw there that was interesting was there were little idols that the people were covering with little gold squares. I don't really know the religious significance of that, but it's so opposite of our relationship with Christ. These people have to cover their gods to make them attractive. They take something dull, like a piece of wood, and make something beautiful. But Jesus is the total opposite. He is beauty Himself. He's everything and He's alive. And He takes us when were dead and dull and He makes us into something beautiful and He covers us with His righteousness. And our love is more pleasing to Him than burnt offerings! What a God! 

      Another thing that really stuck out from the past month was something that happened just last week. I was in a "sii law", a mode of public transportation, when a middle eastern family got in and the man sat down next to me. We greeted each other and then he asked me where I'm visiting from. I told Him America and then he said, "Are you a missionary? I think you're a missionary." Which was funny because I hadn't said anything that would lead him to think that. I shortly explained to him what I'm doing here and then he began telling me his story. He told me that he is also Christian, but he is from a country where Christians are persecuted. He would help other Christians back home, too, but his situation became life threatening, so he and his family came to Thailand as refugees of religious persecution. He asked me to keep him and his family in my prayers and I also got to pray for him right there. I would love it if you would join me in lifting up this family and all I our persecuted brothers and sisters around the world. Meeting this man deeply impacted me and his unwavering faith is inspiring.

       February didn't necessarily go as I expected, but God makes all things work together for our good according to his will. He truly brought purpose to every situation. A lot of what I planned to do this past month was cancelled, but God knew that would happen and He still told me to come to Thailand, so I don't need to sweat that! His plans prevail even if mine don't. Probably especially when mine don't. And now looking back, I see His divine purpose in everything that dd and did my happen. 

     Those are just a few thing that happened this past month. In March I will no longer be taking Thai classes, so I will have a bit more free time during the day. I plan on continuing an art therapy class I go to on Wednesdays, going on outreaches to the bars and brothels three nights a week, and also spending more time in temples praying, interceding, and worshipping Jesus. In March I will also have to make a visa run to Cambodia, which probably won't last as long as my last run to Laos. I also have been praying about making a trip to Pattaya, another city in Thailand that is majorly known for the sex industry there. I have felt god leading me to go there there has been cofirmation through different people and things. I'm not sure when I'll go or how long I'll stay, but I do think I will be going there  this month. 

       Thanks for all your prayers and support! God does such an amazing job of taking care of His children, and on this trip I've learned just how sweet and right on time encouragement from brothers and sisters can be. So to anyone who prays for me or sends me encouragement, I am so so grateful! Please also remember to lift up the nation of Thailand (especially now while political situations are shifting), all people involved in the sex industry, and the family I met that fled persecution.

     We have the best Dad in the whole world and I am so happy to be his daughter and your sister!