Being back [kind of] home

     It's been over four months since I have returned to my home in Tennessee from my homes in other nations. When it comes to "processing" all that I saw and experienced in my time in Mozambique and Thailand, I think that will be a lifelong journey. That being said, my first few steps haven't been the smoothest. It's been almost five months and I feel as if I've just regained my footing. In all my travels I've never really suffered from jet lag. My body seems to have no problem adjusting from time zone to time zone. My heart, on the other hand, hasn't been so cooperative. 

     When I anticipated coming home, I didn't think I would have any problem readjusting. I mean, it was my home after all. Some people at Harvest School warned us that "reentry" may be difficult because you feel like you have changed so much, then you go home and nobody else has changed with you. That wasn't really the case for me. It seemed like I returned to something completely different from what I had left behind six months earlier. So the home I thought I was coming home to was not the one that welcomed me. That just added to the confusion of feeling like my heart was in a million places and nothing was steady.

     So I didn't know exactly where I belonged or what I thought or how I felt. People asked me how my trip was and "Amazing!" seemed to be all that I could muster up because my brain completely froze at the idea of putting six months into a few sentences. Nothing would do it justice; there are no words that could get the point across. It's like I was facing a new language barrier in my own country. One much harder to deal with than all the others.  

     Between the chaos of change, the disconnect between my heart and my brain, and the inability to express anything going on inside me (mostly because I didn't understand it myself), I felt like my only option was to go on about normal life. I mean what else was I supposed to do? I know that I am in America for a season, I have a job and soon will be back in school. So my days no longer look like "wake up, walk to the student hut, worship for five hours, go out into the village, worship some more" or "wake up, explore Thailand, go to either small groups or worship nights or outreach to the brothels every night". My days now look like, "wake up, go to work, come home, do whatever else is on my to do list, get ready for school, see friends." And that's a pretty drastic change. But God is in everything. Just because I'm not living with 300 other missionaries that are passionately in love with Jesus, doesn't mean that God is any less present in my life. Just because my worship throughout the day is me alone in my room or in my car instead of in a hut in Mozambique with hundreds of missionaries and villagers or in an apartment in Bangkok with fellow Iris family doesn't mean it's any less divine. 

     Being thrown back to normal life after six months of nonstop tight knit community with like hearted people (and I mean nonstop, I shared a room with six other girls for 10 weeks and then a full sized bed with my roommate for four months, you don't get much more tight knit than that) kind of left me dumbstruck. But I'm slowly learning how to walk in this foreign land (because I really don't think I'll ever feel like I completely fit in in America again) and I'm learning to be okay with the process. God is okay process. Ya know, the whole "He took six days to create the earth" thing.

     So whether it's in a mud hut, a apartment in Bangkok, a brothel, or a thrift store and a college campus in Memphis, I want to worship Him with my whole heart. My whole life is His, even the parts that don't seem as exciting and the parts I don't understand. 

Step by step

     One of the most exciting things in this life is letting God have control, letting Him guide our every step. And doing this means surrendering- surrendering our will, our plans, our whole life to Him. Following Him wholeheartedly, even when He guides us in a direction that's different than what we had planned or expected, because we trust Him and His guidance.

     Last week I was given an unexpected, awesome opportunity. I saw Cori and Jub (the leaders of Breakthrough Thailand) while they were visiting Bangkok and they invited me to go back to Issan with them until the end of the month because they needed someone to teach English to some of the girls while they were on school break.

     When they first offered, my internal reaction was, "This sounds great, but I thought that what I'm doing now is how God wanted me to spend the rest of my time in Thailand." It was one of those fork in the road moments when you think your path is clear cut, but then you're faced with options that you didn't see coming.

     When opportunities arise, I don't want to make my decision based on what looks like the best option. I don't want to be led by my plans, expectations, preferences, or the excitement of a new opportunity. I want to be led only by His Spirit. I want to say yes to Him no matter where He leads me- even when the path He takes me doesn't seem to make sense.

     From the beginning, my time in Thailand hasn't seemed to make much sense or follow human wisdom. When I go home, I will have stayed here more than three months longer than planned, I changed my flights not knowing where I would live, what exactly I would do, or how I would pay for it all, and now I was given the opportunity to again change directions near the end of my trip. But there is a way that seems right to a man, and then there's the way that God does things.

     In my life I don't want to be anchored to anything other than God. I don't even want to be anchored to the direction God  gives me to go. I want to be anchored only in the person of Jesus. Because sometimes God gives us a direction to go and we get so attached to it and caught up in it that when He gives us the next direction, we don't want to follow it because we think we already know the way. But sometimes God puts us on a path for a short time, only to quickly redirect us. We can't always take one word from God and plan our lives around it with the plans set in stone. God often gives us a direction, but He rarely gives us a timeline. We need to be eager to go where He leads us and ready to change directions at any moment. And when He guides us in another direction, it's not because the way we were going wasn't right. It doesn't mean we heard Him wrong when He said to go that way. It just means that the time for going that way is over and it's time to embark on a new path. 

     My life may seem to be all over the place or unfocused to people on the outside. But even though I may change directions a lot, my goal and destination stay constant- to walk with Jesus on this intimate love journey, inviting as many people as I can along the way to join in. My soul is not anchored in a place, a plan, or a calling. My soul is anchored in Christ alone.

     So after talking to God about this new opportunity, I told Jub and Cori that I would come! You see- either option looked like a good one, so without communion with God I would have been left playing a guessing game. But forks in the road aren't meant to be sources of stress or fear of messing up, they are an invitation to lean on your Beloved and commune with Him. They are an invitation to talk to your friend Jesus about where to go next. There isn't a formula to figuring out what your destiny is. No amount of pros or cons can tell you which way God wants you to go. It's all about being in relationship with Him.

     In this instance, human reasoning said stay in Bangkok. You've already paid rent for an apartment. You're doing good things here. This is what you've already told people you're doing. These plans are good and godly. Why go somewhere else? But Holy Spirit, who often goes against all human reasoning, said, "Go to Issan. This opportunity is from me, and your time there is in my plan." I felt total peace about going to Issan, and I knew if I stayed in Bangkok, it wouldn't be out of submission, it would be out of stubbornness. It would be because I was yolked to my plans instead of being yolked to Jesus.

     So here I am in Issan! Back to village life in this beautiful place surrounded by such beautiful people! This past week I had my first teaching experiences and it has been such a blast! It's so funny how something as simple as teaching English can make me so happy. I guess it's because it's not really the act of teaching that brings me joy, it's the way I connect with the people I teach. It's the way their face lights up when they get the pronunciation right. It's the excitement they show when they learn a new word. It's the way they giggle when they can't quite make the right sound. It's the way it gives us more opportunities to communicate with each other. I really love teaching, but what I love more is the students.

(Meh and I having an English lesson.)

     The past week I've been teaching a fifteen year old girl named Mook. She is so smart and so eager to learn! Our lessons are scheduled to be two hours long, but they usually end up lasting all day! Even if we aren't sitting down for a lesson, I get to teach her just as we hang out and go about the day. Which is just the way God teaches us! We can, and should, have specific times set aside for intentionally spending time with only Him and seeking His face, but when we are eager to learn and eager for more of Him, it doesn't stop there. He isn't confined to a church service, a Bible study, or a priority time. He goes with us, talking with us and teaching us and guiding us as we go.

     I've loved teaching Mook and a few other girls. And I've loved just getting to be in the village again. It's such a family setting at Breakthrough Thailand. The doors are always open and village kids are constantly coming in and out- getting tutored or mentored and just playing or hanging out. I love the way this family is a safe place and a light for people in their community, and I love the way they've embraced me as one of their own.

     

 (A few village kids playing in my hammock.)

     My heart has been so filled with peace the whole time I've been here and I know that this is right where God wants me. My days are filled with teaching English, playing with village kids, worshipping with the kids and staff, observing the Thai culture (both the beautiful and the not so beautiful elements), and just being immersed in the laid back village lifestyle.  

     As my time in Thailand is nearing it's end, I'm so thankful that God had it in His plans for me to spend some of my last weeks in this place. And I'm so grateful for the grace to get to follow His plan, because it's always better than anything I would have planned for myself. Always.

Micah 7:8

Though I sit in darkness, The Lord will be my light.

     I read that verse a few weeks ago and  it resonated so deeply with my spirit. That's something that we all know- God is the light- but we easily forget just how powerful that truth really is. There is darkness all over the world in all different forms, but in this season, I am literally sitting in darkness- the type of darkness that doesn't bother with subtleties. As I sit in the dim lit strip bars, I cling to this verse. I cling to my Father, The Lord, who is my light and the light of the whole world. And I find strength in knowing that this light will never go out.

     Ministry to men and women in the sex industry was never really something I specifically imagined myself doing. I've always leaned more on the, "in the dirt with the poor" side. But when you allow God to transform you, your heart becomes one with His, so you don't only have "a heart for Africa" or a "heart for the homeless" or a "heart for trafficked women". You just have a heart for people. All people. Because God has a heart for all people. [ps- don't take that the wrong way if you often say you have a heart for "x" ministry. I know that God calls us each to specific people groups, sometimes multiple different ones, and I know that's not wrong. It's awesome that He puts specific passions in our hearts for particular places/people/things! I'm just saying we aren't limited to those specifics. We should never get so focused on our specific calling that we forget to love the people right in front of us that don't fit into that category.] One quote I love by Mother Theresa really sums up what our hearts and "ministries" should look like: "As to my calling, I belong to the whole world. As to my heart, I belong entirely to Jesus." That's something I truly believe- so I'm pretty much a blank canvas, open to go wherever God sends me. 

     So here I am in Thailand getting I love on people on all spectrums of the sex industry- at risk young girls, boys and girls currently working, and boys and girls who have come out of it. And it truly has been a cup of joy and suffering! It's a joy getting to share Jesus' love with people. It's a joy getting to bring rest to women and be there to love them with a pure love and talk and connect with them as a person- as a child of God- and not because I want something from them. It's a joy to be the hands and feet of Jesus in any way possible. It's a joy to carry Jesus with me through this world, "as I sit in darkness." But it's also suffering. It's painful to have eyes that are open to all the things around you. It hurts to see what God sees and feel what God feels when you are surrounded by things that shouldn't exist. 

     But God never asks us to carry that burden in our own strength. He says, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." So when I come home from outreach, or just from a day of being surrounded by darkness, God always reminds me to lay it all down. I can't hold on to these things- I just give it all to Him. Good or bad, there's nothing I hold on to- I cling only to Jesus.

     So going to the bars and brothels can be difficult, but it's so worth it. I wouldn't ever trade it for being ignorant of the things that happen here. I've gotten to meet such beautiful people. And it breaks my heart that anyone could look at them and just see a demeaning label or only see them for what they do. Because each girl and boy in the bars and brothels is a person. They are a child of God. And He loves them so deeply and longs for them to come home to Him. So getting to go there and be Jesus to them- be a safe place the way Jesus is a safe place for me, be love the way Jesus is love to me, be a pure and warm embrace the way Jesus purely and warmly embraces me- it is such a great privelage and I'm so humbled that I get to do this. I'm honored and overjoyed to get to share God's love! 

     If God calls you to a place or a people that you least expect- go for it! If there is one thing I've learned through this crazy journey, it's that God knows what He's doing even when I don't. Let Him guide your steps. Where He leads you may be surprising, but it will be better than anywhere you would end up on your own.

Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus

    This past month has been so full of lessons learned, steps taken, and things revealed. When I first knew that I would be staying in Thailand for four months rather than three weeks, I knew my time here would be about so much more than just what I do. I knew God had much more in store for this time than just going on outreaches. This has been such a beautiful time of getting to know him better, letting Him change my heart, walking with Him through things I could never get through on my own, and allowing Him to stretch and grow my faith and trust in Him, His guidance, His provision, and His goodness. "Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him, how I've proved Him over and over. Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus! Oh, for grace to trust Him more."  That's a recurring theme song for me!

     There have been so many specific occurrances that God has taught me through, so many faces that I've seen Him in, a couple bouts of illness that He held me in, and He's taken care of me with His beautiful right on time provision when I didn't even know how needed it was at the time. And that just goes to show, I can be totally oblivious to my needs, but God sees them and He takes care of me. Like the way, "the birds do not plant or harvest or store food in barns, for our Heavenly Father feeds them. And aren't we far more valuable to Him than they are?"

      One thing that stands out from this past month is when I went to Wat Phro, a Buddhist temple, on Makha Bucha-  a major Buddhist holiday which just so happens to be on February 14th, Valentine's Day. I decided a major Buddhist holiday was a good day to go to a temple and worship Jesus and pray for Thailand. I think shifting atmospheres and bringing God's presence into dark places is super important and more powerful than what we can merely see. As I walked around, my heart broke for the Buddhists, and really for people who worship any idols. How sad to give offerings and bow down in reverence to things that, "have mouths but cannot speak, eyes but cannot see. They have ears, but cannot hear." But as my heart broke for them, I also was overcome with gratitude that I know my God and He has a mouth, and He does speak to me. He has eyes and He does see me. He has ears and He does hear me- every prayer, every utterance, and even every thought. My time at Wat Phro was such an unforced blend of intercession and worship.

       One thing I saw there that was interesting was there were little idols that the people were covering with little gold squares. I don't really know the religious significance of that, but it's so opposite of our relationship with Christ. These people have to cover their gods to make them attractive. They take something dull, like a piece of wood, and make something beautiful. But Jesus is the total opposite. He is beauty Himself. He's everything and He's alive. And He takes us when were dead and dull and He makes us into something beautiful and He covers us with His righteousness. And our love is more pleasing to Him than burnt offerings! What a God! 

      Another thing that really stuck out from the past month was something that happened just last week. I was in a "sii law", a mode of public transportation, when a middle eastern family got in and the man sat down next to me. We greeted each other and then he asked me where I'm visiting from. I told Him America and then he said, "Are you a missionary? I think you're a missionary." Which was funny because I hadn't said anything that would lead him to think that. I shortly explained to him what I'm doing here and then he began telling me his story. He told me that he is also Christian, but he is from a country where Christians are persecuted. He would help other Christians back home, too, but his situation became life threatening, so he and his family came to Thailand as refugees of religious persecution. He asked me to keep him and his family in my prayers and I also got to pray for him right there. I would love it if you would join me in lifting up this family and all I our persecuted brothers and sisters around the world. Meeting this man deeply impacted me and his unwavering faith is inspiring.

       February didn't necessarily go as I expected, but God makes all things work together for our good according to his will. He truly brought purpose to every situation. A lot of what I planned to do this past month was cancelled, but God knew that would happen and He still told me to come to Thailand, so I don't need to sweat that! His plans prevail even if mine don't. Probably especially when mine don't. And now looking back, I see His divine purpose in everything that dd and did my happen. 

     Those are just a few thing that happened this past month. In March I will no longer be taking Thai classes, so I will have a bit more free time during the day. I plan on continuing an art therapy class I go to on Wednesdays, going on outreaches to the bars and brothels three nights a week, and also spending more time in temples praying, interceding, and worshipping Jesus. In March I will also have to make a visa run to Cambodia, which probably won't last as long as my last run to Laos. I also have been praying about making a trip to Pattaya, another city in Thailand that is majorly known for the sex industry there. I have felt god leading me to go there there has been cofirmation through different people and things. I'm not sure when I'll go or how long I'll stay, but I do think I will be going there  this month. 

       Thanks for all your prayers and support! God does such an amazing job of taking care of His children, and on this trip I've learned just how sweet and right on time encouragement from brothers and sisters can be. So to anyone who prays for me or sends me encouragement, I am so so grateful! Please also remember to lift up the nation of Thailand (especially now while political situations are shifting), all people involved in the sex industry, and the family I met that fled persecution.

     We have the best Dad in the whole world and I am so happy to be his daughter and your sister!

The Harvest

     The past two weeks I spent in the north with Breakthrough Thailand, the ministry I connected with during my Harvest School extended outreach. They have a sugarcane field as a source of income to support the ministry, and I went to help with the harvest and just visit the people again. When I was in this village the first time and I heard about the sugarcane harvest, I knew I wanted to be in on that! How cool to start my time in the nation I'm called to, literally and prophetically bringing in the harvest! I was excited for the opportunity to help this ministry and to get to spend more time with all of them.

     My time there was so incredible, and once again God showed me how His timing is perfect. He knows how to give us only what our hearts can handle and only what our spirits need. Our hearts really are his priority, not our productivity. The first few days of my time in the village, I didn't know if I would be able to help with the harvest at all because their was an abundance of sugarcane this season and the factories were closing because they were too full. I was loving my time at Breakthrough, hanging out with the kids and having little language lessons with one of the girls, Muyong. But I couldn't help but be a little bummed at the idea that I might not be able to be a part of the harvest. And I was feeling a little bit like I wasn't being helpful enough to the ministry, just hanging around and doing dishes every once in a while when the girls weren't looking (because usually they sternly refuse help haha). Once again I was faced with that stubborn pattern I tend to fall into of feeling the need to make my time worthwhile, as if the significance of our time is measured by visible productivity. Now don't get me wrong, I'm firm in knowing that it's by our faith that we're saved and not by good works, and I know that good works are just an overflow of the love we receive from God and should never be done out of striving... But I really just love and genuinely enjoy serving in tangible ways, so sometimes I get a little antsy when I'm not doing so. God knows this, and like a good Father, He likes getting me a little uncomfortable if doing so gets my heart right. 

(Here is a photo of me and Muyong, my sweet Thai teacher and English student.)

     

     There was one day that I was getting to the point of restlessness, loving my time with these people, but feeling like I didn't want to spend two weeks just hanging out. I wanted to do something! I wanted to help! I felt a little frazzled by this, so I decided to take a walk in the fields and let Jesus sort me out. And as always, He did so with such tender love and absolutely no condemnation. His patience gives me so much comfort! Out in that field He told me all the things that I already knew, but they came straight from Him rather than my head, and that makes all the difference. I can tell myself all the right things all day long, but it won't ever change my heart the way asking Jesus to tell me how He sees things will. I just sat there in a little tin roofed hut and let Him take away all my need to "do" and let Him bring me into His complete rest. I let Him speak to me how He sees me and how He views my time here and what His idea of time well spent really is. I let Him breathe His breath of life into me that makes everything else just melt away. It was such a beautiful, needed, heart changing, purifying, intimate time with Him.

     And guess what. The very next day after He set my heart right I found out we were beginning the harvest. His timing is so perfect! So we began harvesting the sugar cane, which was so much fun! I absolutely loved it, even when it left me exhausted at the end of the day. We would work for hours and then take a break for a few minutes and rest and eat sugar cane. It was so cute the way I would be working and one of my fellow workers would tell me to come sit and rest with them. I sat in the field one day as another woman invited me to eat some sugarcane with her and I thought, "What a good Dad I have, that He would send His works-aholic daughter to a people who so value rest." Ah, we really have the best Dad in the whole world! 

The harvesters out in the field!

     I love my time with Breakthrough so much! They are a beautiful ministry, but more than that, they are a beautiful family.  They have such a cool story on how they got started and what God did with two willing and compassionate hearts. I'm so blessed to have gotten to be a part of that family, and I know my time with them isn't over. Join me in praying for the ministry, the people who lead it, and the girls who are in their care!

Jub and Cori, standing beside me, are the awesome people who started Breakthrough, and Amy, the girl sitting down, was my super sweet roommate during my time there who is a part of the ministry and also an English teacher in the village.

The mural on the side of the Breakthrough building that has their motto, "Together we grow."

     My time in Thailand so far has been full of God teaching me in unexpected ways, and lessons that I thought I already knew. It just goes to show He's never done with us. We can always go deeper with Him. Do you trust Him? You can always trust Him more. Do you love Him? You can always love Him more. Do you live in His peace? You can experience His peace even more. Has he healed you? He can bring you even deeper healing. That's the beautiful thing about God and our love story with Him- it's never ending. There's always more. We can never "get over" certain aspects of His heart. We can never know Him to the point where we need something else to explore- He is everything. He's eternal. He's infinite. And walking with Him is the most beautiful, exciting adventure I could ever dream of. 

      Now that I'm back I'm Bangkok, I plan on connecting with as ministries as possible working with men and women in the sex industry. I know I probably will be visiting slums and temples as well, but those things aren't scheduled. Also, starting next week I will be taking language classes since I know that I'm called long term to Thailand and I need to be able to speak Thai. I would love and appreciate all prayers for open doors and opportunities and also for peace in Bangkok since there is an election coming up and there have been protests. Join me in interceding for this beautiful nation that is so dear to God's heart! 

Our lives are our ministry

     One of my favorite things about all of the missionary journeys I've been on is when God shows up outside of "outreach." When God puts opportunities to share His love on our path in the mundane moments, not just when we go out with that as our intention.

      My time in Thailand with the Harvest School team was filled with those moments. One of those times was when my friend Shay and I were sitting in the lobby of our hostel just hanging out and using the wifi. We weren't even thinking, "Let's go love on people!" We were just thinking let's go chill out and talk to friends back home on Facebook. But God is in every moment. Even the silly and least "spiritual" moments, we have a river of life flowing out of us, and it can't be held back. Holy Spirit lives in us and He wants us to let Him flow out as He continually pours into us. So we were just sitting and talking and a nice English guy was sitting by us at the table. We started talking with him as well, and somehow a discussion about the difference between an American biscuit and a British biscuit turned into us talking about God for over three hours. It was so natural, Shay and I weren't even the ones bringing God up in the conversation. We somehow started talking about our time at Harvest School, discussing water shortages, differences in medical care, and even latrines. After a while of talking about Harvest School it lead to him asking us if we are "properly religious" which lead to him asking us questions about God and our beliefs for literally three hours. And he wasn't drilling us or arguing, he was simply curious and intrigued and hungry. He would ask us the hard questions that come up whenever someone thinks about a good God in the midst of suffering, and Holy Spirit guided Shay and I and spoke through us when we felt like we didn't have answers ourselves. It was just so cool the way God took an insignificant conversation about what different cultures call cookies and bread rolls and turned it into a loving pursuit of His son. It seemed like just a conversation, but it was the type of conversation God can use as a catalyst for the process of his adoption. God really is in the midst of every conversation and every moment.

      Another time was when our team spent the day going to ride on elephants, the typical Thailand tourist experience. Things like this may seem like "a break from ministry" (that sounds ridiculous to even say, but you know what I mean) or a day just for fun with no meaning or significance. But God is with us everywhere we go- so our lives are ministry! We had an amazing day doing fun touristy things. Then on the bus ride home, we heard a sweet member of the team, Debby, in the back row of the van sharing the gospel with the man next to her. Naturally all the members of the team that heard the conversation started interceding and blessing the conversation in their minds haha! And the team members who heard about it later rejoiced in the fact that God crashes in whether we're in the slums or just seeing the sights.

      Another example is my whole trip to Laos! I didn't go there with any missions plans, I simply had to go for my visa. But God had more than just a visit to the embassy in mind for my time there. Like I wrote about in my last post, my wanderings lead to a Buddhist temple where I got to just love on the monks and intercede and leave the fragrance of Jesus in that place. Another time was when I had dinner. I got food from a street vendor and ended up sitting with a man named Shaw. We didn't talk much at first, I could kind of tell he wasn't the super talkative type, but after a while conversation started. He told me about his home, Germany, and his travels and then he asked me about mine. Naturally we started talking about God and discussing the different things we believe. He told me that I reminded him of a friend he met who was also Christian. He told me they met the same way we did, that he usually isn't a talkative person, but for some reason he struck up conversation with me and his other friend. His other friend was a missionary as well and he talked about his admiration for such devotion that leads to going all over the world, even dangerous places such as where his other friend did ministry. Shaw was an atheist, but was still really interested in hearing what I believe. I didn't get into a theological debate with him, because honestly I don't have the answers to the questions that are asked in such conversations. All I could tell him was testimonies of what Jesus did in my life and what I've seen Him do in others' and why, no matter what questions come up, I can't not believe in Jesus. I've seen too much! Shaw and I talked for about an hour before we parted ways and before he left he asked if he could take my picture to remember our conversation, and I snapped one of us as well. It's incredible seeing the way God has pursued him, gently placing people on his path and nudging him to go against his normal personality and strike up conversation with them so that they will tell him about the love of God. And I'm so honored to have gotten to be one of those people!

      Join me in praying for these people and all the others that we get to share the love of Jesus with even in passing! Our lives are divine appointments for every one we come in contact with. Don't hold back what God wants to pour out through you:)

Here's a photo of me and Shaw in Laos!

     I know we give things names like outreach, mission trips, and ministry time for lack of better terminology, but in reality, every thing we do is outreach. Everywhere we step is our mission field. Every second of our lives is ministry time. There is no compartmentalizing with Jesus. He paid a high price for every part of our life! Let's give Him every moment, every breath, every part of our hearts in this lifetime! He is more than worthy of all we could ever give.

Visa runs and temple strolls

       I've been in Laos the past three days, and what I thought would be a simple trip with no purpose other than getting a visa has turned into quite an adventure filled with God's beautifully woven purposes.
        My first night here was a crazy blast filled with impenetrable language barriers, angry immigration officers, lost motorcycle taxi drivers, and this simple and often repeated prayer, "Jesus, get me where I need to be." Every time something seemingly went wrong, I was filled with peace and joy at the craziness of this adventure. The more bumps in the road, the more fun of a ride! Half the time I didn't know if I would ever make it to a hotel, but I knew wherever I ended up that night, even if I had to pull an all nighter and wander the streets of Laos, God would take care of me. The more "stressful" the situation got, the more fun I thought it was! I knew I didn't need to worry because I knew God would protect me, no matter where I ended up. What incredible freedom comes with trusting Him with every detail of our lives! And eventually I did make it to a hotel.
        Since my 30 day stamp I got in the Bangkok airport expired on Friday, I had to leave the country, but the embassy isn't open on the weekends so I got a full two days with nothing to do but explore Laos before I could get my visa. Before I came here on Friday, the friends I'm staying with in the northern Thai village thought that I would be able to get a visa at the immigration office in Khon Kaen. So, not thinking I would have to leave the country, I went to Khon Kaen without a backpack. When we got to the immigration office, I found out I actually would have to leave the country, so within in a few hours I was on a bus to a five day trip in a foreign land with nothing but the contents of my purse and the clothes on my back. Hallelujah for simplicity! It's a lot easier to find your way around a new place without a big heavy backpack so that really turned out to be a blessing. Most things tend to be better when we keep them simple: traveling, love, the gospel. God loves speaking to me even through little things like me wearing the same outfit for four nights and five days in a row!
      On Saturday, my first full day here, after a few errands like finding the hostel I'd be staying in the rest of the trip and getting passport photos, I had nothing to do but wander around the city. I was stoked about it! One of the first places my wandering took me to was a Buddhist temple that's a two minute walk from my hostel. I went in and began walking around and praying and worshipping Jesus. What a privilege to get to shine His light even in a temple built for idols! I get to go into Buddhist temples as a temple myself, a temple of the Holy Spirit, and let my praises rise like incense to my God who is not dead, but surely alive! I really believe that things like this are so powerful, even if the affects can't be seen in the natural. But I don't go in looking for a spiritual throw down, I just go in and release the Kingdom and I go in with such love for the people who built these idols and alters and brought the offerings. I really do love them so much. Jesus loves them so much!
        As I walked around, I saw a group of young monks walk by and my heart swelled with love for them. I can't even explain the love God has given me for monks. And I know it's only a tiny hint of the huge love that He feels when He looks at them, and that blows my mind. What a God I serve! I get to worship Love Himself!
        Saturday (yesterday) was so fun that I woke up this morning with great expectations for the day. And those expectations were exceeded! Once again I had a day free of plans, so after wandering around checking out bookshops and walking down new streets, I ended up going back to the nearby temple. I didn't go in with any agenda, I just walked in, sat on a bench, and began journaling. After a few minutes, some young monks walked by and sat on a bench near me. They didn't know a lot of English, but I think they were excited to practice what little they knew with me, so they said hello. Our conversation started by them asking simple questions like my name and where I was from. We continued talking with a little help from google translate, and after a while we were laughing and talking together like good friends. It started with just two guys, young monks named Bang and Daw, but after a while, a small group of their friends accumulated. After just talking for a while, it turned into them teaching me how to speak Laos! It was such a blast getting to hang out with these beautiful people and getting to learn from them and show them love just by talking with them. The temple constantly has tourists walking through, so I can only imagine that it sometimes makes them feel that they're being looked at as a part of the scenery rather than real people. So it was so nice to get to relate to these guys and see them as people rather than just another orange robe. They were such funny, lovable boys!

       It's been crazy to me how connected I feel to this country after only a few days, but God has been doing so many cool things since I got here. He's teaching me things and showing me things and putting people on my path for His beautiful purposes. What originally seemed like an inconvenient trip has turned into such an amazing blessing that is so dear to my heart! Every moment is bursting with opportunities for God's love to breakthrough, and I want to be a good steward of each moment I'm given.
      Please join me in praying for this nation and all the people I've met since I got here. Jesus loves monks, Jesus loves travelers, Jesus loves Laos!

Another day, another adventure.

"The only safe place for our hearts is to dive deeply into the magnificent, eternal, ridiculous, overwhelming love that God has for us. His love is the only safety net that will hold."

      That quote was written in a note from home that was sent with me to Africa. I reread that letter the night I first began really thinking about staying in Thailand. When I read that quote, it confirmed in my mind what I already knew- God was calling me to take a step of faith, which at the moment looked like a giant leap. And no matter how big a leap of faith He calls me to, I know that He's the only safety net I need, the only one worth jumping into. He's lead me amazingly well so far, so how could I say anything but an excited yes when I knew what He was telling me to do?
       I guess I should give some background information before I dive into what's going on in my life now.      You see, it all started April 27, 2012. That's the night I encountered who is now my best friend, sweet Holy Spirit, for the first time. It's the night I  truly gave myself completely to my awesome Daddy God. It's the night Jesus saved me, redeemed me, freed me, gave me life,  and healed me in every sense of the word. And since that night, He's taken my once meaningless life that was completely empty but full of searching, and turned it into a whirlwind of an adventure more beautiful than anything I would have dreamt of for myself.
        I could go on forever explaining details of all the amazing things I've seen God do in and through and around my life since then, but I'll try to just keep it to the basics. So I got saved the end of April 2012, then when college plans didn't go as expected, God lead me to go on a 9 month trip around America feeding and loving and hanging out with my homeless brothers and sisters. It was a beautiful journey that totally changed my life (you can read more about that on my old blog, loveworksamericatour.blogspot.com ). During that trip, I began feeling God calling me to Thailand. Once I finished that trip, I signed up for Harvest School, a two and a half month missionary training/equipping school through Heidi and Rolland Baker's Iris Ministries. When I signed up for that, I saw that there was a three week optional extended outreach to Thailand after the school, and since I knew God had called me there, I signed up for that as well.
        So on September 28, 2013 I made my way to Pemba, Mozambique for Harvest School of Missions for ten weeks of getting wrecked and healed and loved on by God as well as learning from and falling in love with the poorest of the poor in the village and the bush bush. There aren't words to explain that experience and how much it changed me!
       Then on December 11, I left Africa along with the rest of the Thailand team and headed to Bangkok. This huge and majorly westernized city was a complete contrast from the simplicity of the lifestyle of "Africa time" and sitting in the dirt we had just experienced the past two plus months. But we know that brokenness looks different in different places and people groups. Sometimes it looks like extreme poverty and hunger and trips to the witch doctor. Other times it looks like  red light areas and empty wealth and drink offerings to Buddhist shrines. So we took what we learned of sharing the love of Jesus and going low and slow and stepped into this new place as sent out lovers.
      We partnered with different ministries and did outreaches to the red light areas and slums of Bangkok as well as going to a northern village that ministers to young girls in a preventative way, bringing them into a loving family environment and sharing Jesus with them.
      After about the first week of the trip, whenever I thought about getting on the plane back to Memphis December 30 (the scheduled end of the trip) I had no peace at all. But then I would think about staying in Thailand longer, and I had incredible peace about that. I knew what God was telling me to do, but as always, the choice of whether or not I was going to follow His leading was up to me. So about halfway through the outreach, I changed my return flight to April! When I did it, it didn't even feel like there was a choice- how could I do anything but follow Him when He's proven over and over to me that He knows what's best and following Him is the best choice I could ever make?
       So here I am in Bangkok at the beginning of my time in Thailand apart from Harvest School. My time here as just begun and it's already full of God's mercy and love and provision. When I officially said yes to God's prompting and switched my flight home, it seemed like a gigantic leap of faith due to the difference between the amount in my bank account and the amount estimated that I would need for the next four months. But if I've learned anything in my less than two years of life with Jesus, it's that if He calls you to do something, all you have to do is say yes and let Him take care of the rest. Like Mama Heidi says, He equips the called. And God has made what I thought was a crazy leap of faith (silly me) in hindsight look like a tiny little step onto God's already clear cut path for my life. All the things I thought were going to be a struggle, like finding a place to live and having money for everything, have been so simple and finances haven't been an issue at all and aren't going to be. The amount I thought I would need at the beginning was so much more than what is really needed. And we got money back from what we paid for the outreach, and it was enough to basically cover my rent for my entire time here! God is such an awesome provider! I knew God was going to take care of all the details and finances, but I didn't expect Him to make it that easy! He is so good!
   What I have planned so far is in a day or two I am heading back north to the ministry that I worked with with the Iris team. They have a sugarcane field as a way of providing for the girls and supporting the ministry, so I'm going to stay with them for a couple weeks to help with the harvest and just to spend more time with that beautiful family. I plan on staying there until Kate, my friend who came to Thailand with my outreach team and is now my roommate, gets back from traveling some more through Southeast Asia. Once I'm back in Bangkok I plan on doing more outreaches to red light areas and slums, learning the language, and just sharing the love of Jesus and releasing the Kingdom everywhere I go.
   I'm so excited about this time in Thailand and all the adventures God has planned for my future. I decided to start this blog to record all the adventures Holy Spirit takes me on and all the miracles I get to see God do during my short little pilgrimage through this world. I'll be happy if this blog is nothing but a personal documentation of my time, and I'll be honored and humbled if it at all gets to bring God glory or reveals His love to anyone who reads it.
    So, to whoever reads this- be blessed and know that you are loved with an everlasting love by the God of this beautiful universe!